For the last few months Sam and I have been feeling like we are standing on the edge. Like we are on the verge of something.
A lot of changes have been happening in our home over the last year: Abby gets married in less than a week, Nathalie graduated college, got a job, and moved to Kansas, Hannah will be finishing her Associates degree this fall and is looking at mission trips or applying to out of state colleges. Rachel and Samantha are still homeschooled but their high school curriculum is a lot less "hands-on" than previous years. Sam has eight to ten years left at the firehouse before he will retire and so our thoughts have been turning to the future for all aspects of our lives.
When Sam and I have heavy thinking and praying to do, we head to the ocean. Something about walking on the beach, holding hands, smelling the salt air and watching the waves, eases our minds. The exercise is a nice added benefit!
And so after may walks, prayers, and discussions, we have come to no conclusions regarding our farm, our animals, our kids, or our futures. God has been silent. There are no slamming doors, no wide open windows, no blazing stars to lead us. Just this feeling that we are being called to a new direction.
It's rather odd really. Feeling like we need to be prepared, but having no idea what to prepare for, or even how to prepare. The only decision we have made is that we will hold a family meeting in the beginning of October. We've told the girls and Justin, (he's part of the family now!) and have asked them to be in prayer about it all.
The other weird thing: I am not anxious about it. Normally, if I don't have a plan and a list, I get anxious. I worry about the details and making sure I have accounted for all ramifications and consequences. The girls joke about me having Plans A-C set up, with Plans D-G at least in the formation stages, just in case I need them!
I talk over our need to make decisions with people. I mull it over in my head. But I am not feeling worried, uneasy, or troubled by it. I find I am completely at peace. I am trusting that God will reveal His plan to us, in His time. And the "not knowing" doesn't nag at me, but I find myself drawn to prayer about it quite often. Always with the knowledge that whatever decisions are made in a few months, God has it all under His control.