Wednesday, August 13, 2008

How to Panic Your Husband

Step 1: Husband goes off to part time job around 1PM.

Step 2: At 4:30PM Start supper and get kids taking care of the animals.

Step 3: At 5:30PM Set kids down at the table for a hot dinner of Ham (won at the fair), broccoli and rice.

Step 4: Get a phone call just as you stab your first bite of ham. Put fork down and answer phone.

Step 5: Have a conversation that goes something like this:

ME: Hello
CALLER: Hi, Amy. This is Sally. Are you going to the Smith's (another Smith family!) with us for dinner tonight?
ME: (rapid intake of breath) I forgot all about it! We'll be right there!
CALLER: Okay, we'll wait for you.

Step 6: Yell, "Everybody FREEZE!" Say more calmly, "Put down your forks get shoes on and get in the van, NOW!"

Step 7: Miraculously get everyone out the door in less than five minutes. Have dinner with the Smith and Jones families, keeping an eye on the clock to make sure you are home before 9:30, when husband is due home.

Step 8: Have husband get out of work earlier than expected. Have him come home to a dark, empty house with barely touched dinners still on the table. Husband sees no blood and assumes whatever it was couldn't have been too bad, but he calls several people, just to be sure.

Step 9: Spend the next day calling all the people the husband called to reassure them you haven't run off with the children to Bora Bora.
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