Wednesday, October 27, 2010

"I AM" taken from "The Fireman's Wife" by Susan Farren

"I AM" taken from "The Fireman's Wife" by Susan Farren

I am thankful. This has not always been an easy walk for me.

I am disappointed. We have missed family gatherings, weddings, dinner engagements, birthday parties, and holidays because of shift schedules and overtime.

I am patient. There have been dinners spent at the firehouse waiting for Daddy to return from a call while the kids get cranky and the food gets cold.

I am nervous. I awake at 3:00 A.M. hearing creaks in the house and don't have the comfort of my husband beside me.

I am tired. The house is full of sick kids and there is no relief in site because Daddy is on a seventy-two-hour shift.

I am jealous. Jealous of all the women whose husbands came home at 5:00 P.M. to have dinner and hold them at the end of their day.

I am worried. I worry that he may not come home one day. This I try to tuck away.

I am content. We have decided to give up my career so I can stay home and raise our children. We no longer have an abundance of money or things. It is the greatest freedom I have ever known.

I am incompetent. There was a time when I considered myself moderately intelligent. I now struggle to remember where I left my car keys, the diaper bag, and, occasionally, the baby.

I am waiting. Knowing the phone may one day ring for me.

I am doubting. Doubting that God hears all my prayers. Doubting I am the kind of wife and mother He needs me to be.

I am trusting. Trusting that my husband will come home again.

I am confident, I am lonely, I am overworked, I am underpaid.

I am...The Fireman's Wife.

A firefighter from Sam's engine company died of a heart attack yesterday. He was only a few months older than Sam. His death is considered Line of Duty because it occurred only a few hours after his shift ended. Once again, I am making sure my husband's Class A uniform is clean and ready. Once again, I will stand beside him as a "brother" is laid to rest. I am a fireman's wife.
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