Thinking Out Loud

This is one of those blog posts that is simply my thoughts. I am working through something and well, bear with me and please don't judge me.

Let's be honest here; being a christian isn't always roses and butterflies. There are times when stuff just gets tough. Times when you get weary and just want to throw in the towel.

 Just last week I was praising God for His provision. Sam's hours at his part-time job had been cut to about half. The firehouse had all but eliminated overtime opportunities. Our family budget is based on at least 12 hours of overtime per month to make ends meet. And yet, we paid all of our bills and ate pretty good meals, albeit a lot of rice. We have used the extra time Sam has had at home to get things around the house completed that have been neglected. We have had some great family times with Monopoly, puzzles, and reading books together.

But now, here I am looking at another week of reduced income and I feel weary. Another week of watching every dollar and searching out ways to cut corners. Another week of relying on God, and I can feel my spirit beginning to grumble. God is so faithful and has shown us His faithfulness in all He has blessed us with in the last four weeks, and I am murmuring!
Romans 7:15 and 19 says, "For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I... For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do."


 I sound like the Israelites shortly after leaving Egypt. They have just witnessed a few miracles: the Red Sea has opened up right before their very eyes. They have manna from heaven delivered to their doorstep, and yet they are murmuring that: "We remember the fish, which we did eat in Egypt freely; the cucumbers, and the melons, and the leeks, and the onions, and the garlick..." (Numbers 11:5). Seriously? God has delivered them from cruelty and slavery. He has freed them from a life of hard labor. They have witnessed the miracle of food from heaven, never mind a sea that opens and allows them to walk through on dry land while their enemies are drowned. And they complain because they don't have onions?!

God forgive me for my short-sightedness. I have so enjoyed being able to snuggle with Sam on our couch or work a puzzle together with him and the girls. Why would I want to go back to Sam working 130 hours per week, seeing him only in the wee hours of the morning or evening just before he heads off to work again? Because we don't have onions?? Seriously?