So many decisions. So much "stuff" that has to get sorted through.
Mentally. Physically. Emotionally. Financially.
The last few weeks have been so overwhelming. So completely overwhelming.
Like a shipwrecked person in the ocean, I barely get my head above the water before the next wave overtakes me.
My prayers are so full. Full of anger, pain, hope, sorrow, confusion, worry, love, frustration, desire, gratitude. I am so thankful my God is so great that He can handle all of it. I have never been so grateful to end my prayers with, "Take it Lord, because I can't handle it," and then know He already has.
Psalm 146:5-6 Gracious is the Lord, and righteous; yea, our God is merciful. The Lord preserveth the simple: I was brought low, and he helped me.
How do I explain this faith?
How do I explain God's whispering, "Be still"?
It is so plainly spoken that I can nearly feel His hand on my shoulder, gently pushing me back.
Pushing me to rest in Him.
I have never felt this "Just wait, just rest," so clearly. And yet, I have moments where I tantrum like a two year old: "I want answers! And. I. Want. Them. NOW!!"
Psalm 46:10-11 Be still, and know that I am God: I will be exalted among the heathen, I will be exalted in the earth. The Lord of hosts is with us; the God of Jacob is our refuge.
He has shown me His mercies and blessings. Things that I know are for my heart only. God knows me so well that he knows what I need before even I know myself.
The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name's sake.
Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the Lord for ever.
I am so grateful for so many reasons. God has given me so much. I am humbled and awed.
"Were the whole realm of nature mine,
that were an offering far too small;
love so amazing, so divine,
demands my soul, my life, my all."
How do I explain this joy in the middle of such pain? This peace in the middle of such turmoil?
I can only pray that God will show it to you too. Trust Him and be amazed by His love.