Yesterday I cleaned. Washed floors and counters, which stayed clean! In the evening I visited a friend's opening at an art show and was reminded how I enjoy looking at art, especially young people's art. I should make more time for that. I made myself a salad for dinner and tucked myself up with a book. I should make more time for that too.
Today... the shine on being alone has dimmed and I am feeling... hmmm... the word that comes to mind is obsolete. Obsolete is an interesting word with several definitions and I think several apply to me here:
2) effaced by wearing down or away; worn out. As time goes by I find myself feeling more exposed, more vulnerable. I find I cry more easily, get frustrated more quickly, and feel things more deeply. Circumstances have worn me down, exposing my raw nerves and edges. I have to remind myself that just because something or someone hurts me, it doesn't mean they are in the wrong. It may just mean that God is drawing my attention to another area in my heart that needs to be dealt with. It is these times when my soul cries, "I am so tired of running this race. When will You come for me? How much longer Lord until I am Home?" Being obsolete is both a good thing and a hard thing.
other individuals. As time goes by I am more aware of how woefully inept, flawed, and "imperfectly developed" that I am. Spending time in God's word and in prayer, I see how "rudimentary" my faith is when compared to the character of others. And then I am also given so many more opportunities to face my lack of faith in "real life" circumstances. I wish I could say I am a fast learner, but it seems I am making the same stumbles and falls over and over again. It keeps me remembering that I am not alone in this and I have a hope that is greater than this world (emphasis is mine):
And here lies my hope, my joy, my resting place:
<>And so being obsolete keeps me humble; a good thing and a hard thing.