What Is It About the Ocean?

 I love the ocean and was able to go there two days in a row this week! 

Yesterday, for my second visit, Sam watched as I stood in the waves shin deep. He’d rather be in a boat fishing than standing on the shore.

As we walked back to the car, he asked me why I loved the beach so much? He said, “You get giddy when I tell you our date is going to the beach. You walk barefoot to the waves, stand in them never deeper than your knees, with your face into the wind. All your goofiness is gone and you are just still. Why?”

I. Don’t. Know. 

There is something so deep within me that is affected and I cannot express it. I can only feel it. But I tried to explain it:

It’s the smell. How do you describe ocean air? That smack of salt mixed with “fishy”. I breathe deeper when I’m at the ocean.

It’s the sound. The whoosh of water as it rushes over itself onto the shore. Even a calm sea is rhythmic and loud and an angry ocean does something to my soul that I just can’t explain. I can’t do anything to change the waves, I just experience them as they come and that settles me somehow. 

It’s the feel. Sand under my feet giving way as I walk or as it is pulled away by a retreating wave. Small smooth stones and the occasional sharp shell under my bare feet. The water lapping against my legs, or crashing into me if it’s a rough sea. 

It’s the sight. Experiencing my insignificance in the expansiveness of a horizon that seems to go for eternity is centering. It’s the visualization that there is a whole lot more than me out there. I could disappear and the ocean wouldn’t change. 

There is a verse in the Bible that talks about heaven having no seas. It has always bothered me because the ocean is where I am most at peace. It’s where I feel like I can get my bearings, my footing, and find my balance. There is a connection there for me that is so very spiritual and I don’t understand it at all. How could heaven be heaven with no ocean, if the beach feels like what heaven should be?

It occurred to me this morning as I was mulling these things (what else does one do when wide awake at 3am?), that perhaps in heaven there are no seas, because God is there. I won’t need to stand in waves, or breathe deeply, or look to the far horizon, to connect with my soul. In His presence eternally, I will feel like I am at the ocean all the time. And with that thought I long for heaven even more.

A Night Out

Sam and I had a date last night. It was also a "work night" in that we had a lot of "work" to discuss regarding the kids, the farm, and the future. We had agreed to spend time in prayer and thinking over things prior to last night. It's amazing the clarity that comes with really focusing on what God's plan is for us. There was so little we weren't already in agreement about!

Our date consisted of dinner out and a walk on the boardwalk at Ocean Beach. The walk was an impromptu decision as the restaurant was rather noisy and we were unable to really talk things over. The weather was perfect: cool and breezy with that awesome ocean air that I love. We took the scenic route to get to the beach and were amazed at the number of houses in the area that are either up for sale, obviously abandoned, or had large foreclosure/auction signs in front of them.

On our walk we discussed the things we had been praying over. The biggest item was our desire to take a mission trip this October. The deadline for registering is looming and we really needed to make a decision. The total cost for the three day mission trip to Appalachia was going to be around $1500. A lot of money for us. Then there was the farm to consider. Finding people to care for the animals, especially animals who would need to be milked twice per day, for 5 days, would not be easy.

Sam felt strongly that our obligation to pay back our outstanding balances (hay, veterinarian, etc.) came before putting money aside for a mission trip. And so we agreed to forgo a trip this year and look to saving for a trip for next summer. We have also agreed to sell more of our goats. Two of our milking does will be up for sale after fair season. We will not be breeding any of our doelings this fall, which will cut down on some of our costs as well as lessening some of the farm work for others to take over.

We also discussed where we see things in five years and ten years. We discussed repairs the house needs and how we need to evaluate the list in view of where we think we'll be in ten years. How much time, energy, and money do we want to invest in a home that we don't envision us owning in ten years?

We discussed the girls' futures. Will Abby be ready for college in a year? Can we even afford it? Do we have her take some courses at the community college? Can we afford that? We decided that we'll plan on having her take a writing composition course at Three Rivers in the Spring semester. We think we can afford one course. She'll apply to Lancaster Bible College this fall and if we can afford it, she'll go.

Nathalie is on track to graduate from high school a year early, and just a year behind Abby. Do we slow her down, or let her forge ahead? We really didn't decide about this one, just agreed to pray about it some more.

Hannah needs a firmer hand and has been making some poor choices lately. We agreed that both Sam and I have been lumping Hannah in with the older two girls as far as trusting her choices. We seem to have forgotten that she is just 13 years old. This freedom was something that she apparently wasn't ready for and we need to tighten up the rules for her.

Rachel and Samantha are getting older and while they are still the "younger two" or the "little ones" in our minds, we made some decisions regarding their responsibilities and expectations. I need to make sure I don't lapse into relying on the older girls to take up the slack when the younger ones fail to follow through. Sam needs to ask them to help more when he works on his "to do" list around the house.

We discussed Hannah's sugar sensitivity, and while I wanted to do away with all sugar, we have agreed to a more moderate approach and will do away with all "non-nutritional" sugars (candy, cookies, cakes). This means foods with sugar in them that hold some nutritional value, such as cereal, breads, and certain baked goods which contain fruit or veggies, will be allowed. I will look for recipes which use honey as a substitute for white sugar. Water will replace Kool-aid, sodas are out, and the coffee will be unsweetened. We agreed that when we are visiting others or events at church, etc. we will not restrict sugar, unless we see it causing an issue.

It was really a lovely evening, which we capped off with a trip to the grocery store for some dish soap. Yeah, we're hopeless romantics...

Counting My Blessings

Yesterday was a top ten day. We decided that since it was such a nice day and we had all the girls, we scratched all our plans and got spontaneous. We packed a picnic lunch and the kites and headed for the Hammonds at Waterford Beach.

We ate our lunch with the scent of the ocean breezing over us. Then the girls flew kites for about 45 minutes. The wind was there but not steady enough for any real height. So we decided to walk on the beach. As we walked Sam told the stories his mom had told him about growing up on that very property. Sam's grandfather had been the caretaker of the land long before it was given to the town of Waterford. Waterford Beach was my mother-in-law's back yard! Can you imagine!?

The girls were warned to not get their feet wet as we walked. So of course they made a game of how close they could get to the waves. I had one of those snapshot moments: you feel as though you are watching yourself from on the outside. You know: you are walking along and realize how truly blessed your life is. That you are holding the hand of the guy you are still madly in love with; you have the most amazing kids that are having the time of their lives dodging the waves. You watch as Abby grabs Samantha and carries her, squealing, running away from the wave Samantha hadn't noticed because she was too involved looking at the mussel shell. You think about how hopefully someday your kids will be bringing their kids to this beach and telling them the stories of their great grandmother's growing up days.

As we walked back, Samantha needed to use a bathroom. Since the bathrooms were all locked up and Sam didn't think that he could get by at the Hammond house with "My mom used to live here, can we use your bathroom," we drove to my in-law's to use their restroom. Once my mother-in-law heard where we had been, she began to tell the girls even more stories about growing up in the 1920s and 30s. Eugene O'Neil, catching snakes with her brothers, riding bikes as fast as they could around the Hammond House.

We left there to go to Lowes where we picked out the selving we needed for the mudroom. They had tile on clearance with an additional 50% off that was perfect for the bathroom and they had a complete shower that had a chip in the base that they marked down another $100 for us. So we had that stuff set aside until we could come back without the girls to pick it up. We priced out the fixtures we wanted for the bathroom. Since there is no hurry yet, we'll keep our eyes on it for discounts or damages.

When we came home I checked in on my bees. They are all doing fine. One hive is definitely stronger and they got additional frames put on top to give them more room.

After we drove Hannah to the girls scout camp we went back to Lowes to pick up the tiles, etc. We then went to the mall to spend some "alone time". At Old Navy I had a coupon for $20 off any purchase and we found Sam a pair of $24 pants! We walked through a few more stores to see if we could find a denim skirt for me. Apparently, unless you are willing to wear a skirt that just grazes the middle of your hip, you won't be wearing a denim skirt this summer!

On our way home the battery in the van began to die. This is the third battery in 6 months to do this. We barely made it home: no gauages, faint headlights, no interior lights. The last time they told us it wasn't the alternator, although we now suspect it is. Sam had to turn down overtime last night so that he could be home today to deal with it. I am glad for the timing though. If it hadn't happened last night and he had taken the OT, I would have lost the battery during the day today when I would have been driving all over the place with all the girls.

Definitely counting my blessings!