Shot in the Arm

Sam and I have been considering whether or not we continue to be foster parents.

Let that sink in.
Something I have been passionate about. Something that I have worked for weeks, months, even years for, and I am thinking that perhaps I should walk away from it.

That is the magnitude with which this "job" takes it out of you.

And so Sam and I did what we do when we are weighing a heavy decision: we prayed about it. A lot.
We also have talked about it. A lot.
There is some really cool stuff that happened with all that praying and talking:

1) I discovered that Sam really LOVES being a foster parent! The guy who was resistant. Whose deal was we would take the classes and "see how that goes" before moving forward with our license. He enjoys being on the other side of the issue (as a firefighter/EMT he has seen the side when the kids are being removed because of the bad stuff that has happened). He feels like by being a foster dad, he is doing something more than putting a band-aid on the problem. It has given him a compassion and perspective for the kids when he is in those situations with his job. He feels a renewed sense of purpose for his life as he stares down retirement.

2) God heard my prayers. I prayed that God would show me, in a very real and personal way, what we should do. Specifically, to show me that we were having an impact. I voiced to Him that we hadn't had a new-kid phone call since Thanksgiving, and I thought our ministry calling was to teens but every kid we've had was not a teen. This was an on-my-knees-tears-streaming prayer. I desperately  want to be doing, and be living, totally in sync with God's will, and if I needed to keep on keeping on, then I was going to need Him to help me do it. I can count on one hand the number of times I have prayed like that and honestly, nearly all have been within the last year.
     Within five hours of that 4am prayer. I received a picture and update about a baby we had cared for for two months. She's going to be adopted this year and her new mom wants us to be there when it happens. She thanked us for being willing to suffer the heartbreak of caring for and loving a baby and then giving her away.
      The next night we got a call for a 14, almost 15 year old boy that needed a home right away. A teen! Like a real teenager, with all of his teenager-ness, attitude and trauma behaviors.
      Your probably thinking, "Wow! That's pretty cool how God answered both prayers."
       I know that's what I  was thinking:
               Positive impact: check.
               Teenager moved in: check.
      But God wasn't done. He was going to drive home the point in an amazing way that would bring me to my knees (quite literally), praising Him for His incredible care for me and all His children:

 The social worker that brought our new teenager's things to the house, was the worker of a kid that we'd had for a couple of weeks at the beginning. It was the hardest decision we have ever had to make to have this boy removed from our home. I have prayed for this child so very much since and have often wondered how he was doing. His worker was able to share with us that he is doing very well in his new home. Telling us that the way we handled him had an impact. The worker had told the new foster mom some of the strategies that we had used and she was thankful to get a "jump start" advantage in dealing with his behaviors. This child still talks about when he lived with us. He has even kept the letters we wrote him when he left. The worker said he is a different kid now and almost unrecognizable. The social worker thanked us with tears in his eyes for hanging on as long as we did; for wanting what was best for this child and recognizing that as much as we were doing, he needed more. He encouraged us to keep fostering.

    My God is an Awesome God!
    My God!
    Is an AWESOME God!

After more talking, Sam and I have decided to go another six months. In July we will evaluate how we are doing and make a decision again. We have a new confidence that God is with us in this and that He will sustain us in it. I wish the words on this page could even begin to express the gratitude and praise I have for Him. He has shown me that His care for us exceeds expectations. I need to trust Him. He delights, DELIGHTS, in showing me His awesomeness, I only need to ask.