My kids, on occasion will let me know those areas of parenting where I have failed them. Usually along these lines:
"Hannah is angry that you never...."
"Abby thinks you should have..."
"Rachel says you didn't..."
I'll be honest those little zingers from my kids can have an impact. It hurts to be criticized, especially from creatures that you worked so hard to keep alive.
The other day, such an incident occurred and the item discussed revealed a particular time period in my life as a parent. I thought, "Man, if they only knew what I was dealing with at that time."
And then I thought about that. Without realizing it, they were revealing to me my greatest success as a parent: they didn't know. They had no idea the depth of what I had been going through.
They didn't know about my depression, how I fought most mornings to get out of bed. How, sometimes it was hour by hour that I struggled to not crawl back in once I was up. They didn't know that making pancakes for breakfast was an accomplishment. That all my "busy-ness" was because I feared that if I stopped, I would cease to exist.
They didn't know the true extent of our financial disaster. I turned not buying groceries into a game: let's see what we can make with what we already have in the house. Not buying oil for the furnace became lets use the woodstove for heat and hot water like it's Laura Ingalls' time. TV free week stretched into TV free year when there was no money for cable.
They never knew the brink at which my marriage sat precariously for so long, as two very flawed sinners tried to reconcile deep hurts.
I look at my girls, all of them so grown up. Yeah, I messed things up. I didn't do everything I should have, and sometimes I was selfish, or lazy, or exhausted, or sick, or just lost my way. My job as a parent was to protect and shield them from the nastiest parts of life in the grown-up world, and I apparently had done that, because they didn't know.
My girls are strong. They each have a fearlessness that is unique to their own view of the world. They can tell you what they believe and why they believe it. They know they are loved and they know how to love others fiercely. They will rally together when the chips are down and nothing stands in their way when they are united and the goal is taking care of someone.
My wish for them as they move out, get married, and have children of their own, is that someday their children will tell them all the ways they screwed up. Not for some diabolical reason of revenge, but that maybe, just maybe, they would realize that they too did the best they could, with what they had, at that moment. And that is successful parenting.
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Showing posts with label kids. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 13, 2018
Tuesday, July 19, 2016
My Kids Aren't Perfect (Shocking, I know!)
My kids. I love 'em, but they aren't perfect.
My kids are pretty good kids (if I do say so myself), but I'll be the first to tell you that they are not always good. They lie, cheat, steal, get angry, hit, are lazy, etc. etc. You get the idea. Usually my kids keep their bad behavior at home, out of public viewing. Then there are times when they make some pretty poor choices in a really public way.
This past year one of my kids went off the charts public, with facebook posts and blog posts regarding her decisions to disobey our rules and boundaries. She also shared some of the consequences of those choices and her feelings/opinions about them. Everyone who knew our family knew that one of the kids had done something wrong.
And then yesterday, another of my kids, in a very public way, was openly defiant. She flat out refused to comply, to the point of setting herself up ahead of time to be unable to comply. She fussed. She fumed. She glared. She cried. She muttered under her breath. Everyone who was watching knew that something was going on.
God has taken both those times and taught me something: Sometimes when your kid publicly misbehaves, makes a bad choice, gets caught in sin; sometimes it is the best thing to happen.
Let me explain by way of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Outsiders viewed my kids' bad behavior in a variety of different ways. Some had concern for the child, some had concern for me, some sided with the child and others with me. Some quietly gloated from a distance while others were not so quiet. And some even felt the need to inform me of how bad my kid was behaving (as if I were unaware of the situation).
And then there were those who came beside me. Encouraging me. Offering support, prayers, and kind words with a heavy dose of love and grace. Those friends are a gift of God and I do not take their friendship lightly. I am forever indebted to them.
There were others who were going through similar trials, who quietly pulled me aside and shared their situation with me. While I wish I didn't have the knowledge I now have in various ways to block cell phones and ipads, how to search computer histories, and which padlock is the best to prevent television access, I am thankful that through my experiences others can find what they need.
I am counting it all joy that God is using our situations to help others and that other moms feel comfortable asking me how I handled a particular situation. That would not have been the case if I had perpetuated the idea that our family doesn't have issues and that our kids are never in big trouble.
I am thankful for those who were brave to seek me out, to risk being bare-faced and vulnerable. God is using your situations to encourage me that this parenthood struggle is not all for naught! And someday, someone else may need your knowledge.
So, I want to encourage you! If your kids are out there and making bad decisions for all the world to see, take heart. God can use it for good! We don't always see how, but sometimes we get a glimpse. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
My kids are pretty good kids (if I do say so myself), but I'll be the first to tell you that they are not always good. They lie, cheat, steal, get angry, hit, are lazy, etc. etc. You get the idea. Usually my kids keep their bad behavior at home, out of public viewing. Then there are times when they make some pretty poor choices in a really public way.
This past year one of my kids went off the charts public, with facebook posts and blog posts regarding her decisions to disobey our rules and boundaries. She also shared some of the consequences of those choices and her feelings/opinions about them. Everyone who knew our family knew that one of the kids had done something wrong.
And then yesterday, another of my kids, in a very public way, was openly defiant. She flat out refused to comply, to the point of setting herself up ahead of time to be unable to comply. She fussed. She fumed. She glared. She cried. She muttered under her breath. Everyone who was watching knew that something was going on.
God has taken both those times and taught me something: Sometimes when your kid publicly misbehaves, makes a bad choice, gets caught in sin; sometimes it is the best thing to happen.
Let me explain by way of 2 Corinthians 1:3-4 Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God.
Outsiders viewed my kids' bad behavior in a variety of different ways. Some had concern for the child, some had concern for me, some sided with the child and others with me. Some quietly gloated from a distance while others were not so quiet. And some even felt the need to inform me of how bad my kid was behaving (as if I were unaware of the situation).
And then there were those who came beside me. Encouraging me. Offering support, prayers, and kind words with a heavy dose of love and grace. Those friends are a gift of God and I do not take their friendship lightly. I am forever indebted to them.
There were others who were going through similar trials, who quietly pulled me aside and shared their situation with me. While I wish I didn't have the knowledge I now have in various ways to block cell phones and ipads, how to search computer histories, and which padlock is the best to prevent television access, I am thankful that through my experiences others can find what they need.
I am counting it all joy that God is using our situations to help others and that other moms feel comfortable asking me how I handled a particular situation. That would not have been the case if I had perpetuated the idea that our family doesn't have issues and that our kids are never in big trouble.
I am thankful for those who were brave to seek me out, to risk being bare-faced and vulnerable. God is using your situations to encourage me that this parenthood struggle is not all for naught! And someday, someone else may need your knowledge.
So, I want to encourage you! If your kids are out there and making bad decisions for all the world to see, take heart. God can use it for good! We don't always see how, but sometimes we get a glimpse. Romans 8:28 And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.
Tuesday, May 19, 2015
Kids
I used to think that God gave me kids so I could raise them up to be lights for Him. That my job was to instill in them Godly characteristics, teach them to love God, and to show them how to bear witness of His love for us. And while those things are all true, I have come to see that God 's intention was not so one-sided. God blessed me with these children so that He could teach me!
I was reflecting on child number three the other day in preparation for her graduation from high school. This past year has not been the easiest with her. It appeared that every rule we put in place was simply an obstacle for her to challenge. And unlike her two older sisters, who would cautiously approach boundaries and occasionally lean hard against them, this child would get up a running start and robustly pole vault right over them.
And that's when the Lord gave me an "Aha!" moment. This child in the midst of all the uproar had been going to other people for advice. These people were not christian and certainly did not have the same perspective as my husband and I did. And while they were giving this child seemingly "good" advice, it was "worldly" advice and not based on the Bible. The advice "sort-of" supported our rules and boundaries, but didn't deal with the heart issue that was at the root of the behaviors. Because of this I was feeling frustrated, angry, and jealous.
Then I heard a sermon. A sermon about putting other things before God. A sermon about our focus and "serving two masters" (Matthew 6:24). And that still small voice, that so often grabs my attention so much more clearly than the whirlwind, said, "Listen." And so I did and God spoke to my heart:How hurt I was when my daughter turned to others and sought comfort from them. How frustrated I was when I gave her good, sound, biblical advice and she instead turned to the world. How jealous I was when she preferred the company and confidences of others instead of sharing with me. And yet, I turned to others for my comfort and reassurance instead of God. I failed to listen to the advice found within the Bible and "leaned on my own understanding." I complained and cried out to others regarding my daughter's poor choices, rather than pouring my heart out to God.
God, my heavenly father, desires that I turn to Him, seek Him for comfort and direction. I was just as wrong as my daughter for looking for another way. A way that was easier, more "sparkly", more inline with my fleshly desires. A way that made me feel good, rather than one that actually dealt with the heart issue that was at the root.
But there is more. Just as I would give anything for my children, God feels even more so towards us. His own son was sacrificed so that I will not ever have to fear death. (Philippians 2:7-9 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name.) When I chose to believe and put my faith forever in Him, Jesus took on my sins and the punishment. I am forgiven forever because He gave everything for me.
God gave me these children, with their particular personalities, so that I can grow in my relationship with Him. This awareness has given me a new found ability to embrace their unique temperament and substance, and a new found love for the Lord has filled me. Psalm 35:9 And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord: it shall rejoice in his salvation.
I was reflecting on child number three the other day in preparation for her graduation from high school. This past year has not been the easiest with her. It appeared that every rule we put in place was simply an obstacle for her to challenge. And unlike her two older sisters, who would cautiously approach boundaries and occasionally lean hard against them, this child would get up a running start and robustly pole vault right over them.
And that's when the Lord gave me an "Aha!" moment. This child in the midst of all the uproar had been going to other people for advice. These people were not christian and certainly did not have the same perspective as my husband and I did. And while they were giving this child seemingly "good" advice, it was "worldly" advice and not based on the Bible. The advice "sort-of" supported our rules and boundaries, but didn't deal with the heart issue that was at the root of the behaviors. Because of this I was feeling frustrated, angry, and jealous.
Then I heard a sermon. A sermon about putting other things before God. A sermon about our focus and "serving two masters" (Matthew 6:24). And that still small voice, that so often grabs my attention so much more clearly than the whirlwind, said, "Listen." And so I did and God spoke to my heart:How hurt I was when my daughter turned to others and sought comfort from them. How frustrated I was when I gave her good, sound, biblical advice and she instead turned to the world. How jealous I was when she preferred the company and confidences of others instead of sharing with me. And yet, I turned to others for my comfort and reassurance instead of God. I failed to listen to the advice found within the Bible and "leaned on my own understanding." I complained and cried out to others regarding my daughter's poor choices, rather than pouring my heart out to God.
God, my heavenly father, desires that I turn to Him, seek Him for comfort and direction. I was just as wrong as my daughter for looking for another way. A way that was easier, more "sparkly", more inline with my fleshly desires. A way that made me feel good, rather than one that actually dealt with the heart issue that was at the root.
But there is more. Just as I would give anything for my children, God feels even more so towards us. His own son was sacrificed so that I will not ever have to fear death. (Philippians 2:7-9 But made himself of no reputation, and took upon him the form of a servant, and was made in the likeness of men: And being found in fashion as a man, he humbled himself, and became obedient unto death, even the death of the cross. Wherefore God also hath highly exalted him, and given him a name which is above every name.) When I chose to believe and put my faith forever in Him, Jesus took on my sins and the punishment. I am forgiven forever because He gave everything for me.
God gave me these children, with their particular personalities, so that I can grow in my relationship with Him. This awareness has given me a new found ability to embrace their unique temperament and substance, and a new found love for the Lord has filled me. Psalm 35:9 And my soul shall be joyful in the Lord: it shall rejoice in his salvation.
Friday, March 7, 2014
Ups and Downs
Farm life, even small scale hobby farm life, has its ups and downs. Sometimes it seems more downs than ups. Kidding season started off poorly with a bad kidding which ended with both the kid and the doe dying. Then a few days later a surprise set of triplets were delivered with no issues other than the doe decided that, out in 2 degree weather, was the perfect place to have her babies.
A few days ago one of Samantha's does needed an emergency c-section. Thankfully the two kids were delivered alive and healthy; a buckling and a doeling. We have an amazing vet who understands how and why we do things. She takes all of our successes and all of our failures to heart and stands beside us in all of them. She's practically family and we love her dearly. We thought we were going to lose the dam, but this morning Jessie was perky and eating hay. While we are not yet out of the woods with her, we are cautiously optimistic.
Another recent "up" comes from in the house, rather than in the barn. Abigail is engaged! Her fiance is Justin (seen in the above pictures) and he is wonderful. He got a crash course in goats during the c-section and managed to not faint, or be sick, while helping to pull the babies out. He's a hard worker, loves God, and adores our Abby, which are really what matters most. A Summer 2015 wedding is the current plan.
With five more goats left to kid between now and the beginning of June, I know we will have many more ups and downs. I am hoping for more on the up side rather than the down side, but God teaches us in all things to lean on Him. So we continue on, leaning on Him for our wisdom and understanding.
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| Barcelona (the mom) Buttercup, Humperdink, and Westley. |
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| Humperdink |
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| Westley |
A few days ago one of Samantha's does needed an emergency c-section. Thankfully the two kids were delivered alive and healthy; a buckling and a doeling. We have an amazing vet who understands how and why we do things. She takes all of our successes and all of our failures to heart and stands beside us in all of them. She's practically family and we love her dearly. We thought we were going to lose the dam, but this morning Jessie was perky and eating hay. While we are not yet out of the woods with her, we are cautiously optimistic.
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| Anyonewanna Peanut and Andre the Giant at less than 24 hours old. |
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| Samantha and the babies do homeschool in the basement (aka goat ward). |
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| Justin helps to feed the babies. |
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| Jessie stood and walked to her hay! |
Another recent "up" comes from in the house, rather than in the barn. Abigail is engaged! Her fiance is Justin (seen in the above pictures) and he is wonderful. He got a crash course in goats during the c-section and managed to not faint, or be sick, while helping to pull the babies out. He's a hard worker, loves God, and adores our Abby, which are really what matters most. A Summer 2015 wedding is the current plan.
With five more goats left to kid between now and the beginning of June, I know we will have many more ups and downs. I am hoping for more on the up side rather than the down side, but God teaches us in all things to lean on Him. So we continue on, leaning on Him for our wisdom and understanding.
Wednesday, March 27, 2013
Losses
It's been a rough week or so around here.
Okra, was overdue with her kids and upon exampination by the vet, it was determined we needed to to get the kids out. It was a rough kidding and at first Okra looked to be doing okay. But she slowly began to go downhill about 36 hours afterward. Despite our best efforts and the super-human efforts of our vet, Okra died eight days later from milk-fever and birthing complications. Her two orphan doelings (Fortuitous and Loki) are doing very well, for which we are very thankful.
On that same day, Samanth's six week old doeling also died. When "Anna" was born her mother rejected her, so we had nursed her along and convinced her mom to take her back. We believe that there was something "wrong" with little Anna from birth and it eventually caught up to her.
Two days later one of Abby's calves started coughing. Another visit from the vet, but again, all of our efforts were in vain and Frank Flank died of pnuemonia.
And while I admit to being a little more than frustrated after losing Frank, in reality we've had a good kidding season: Lots of healthy doelings, some really awesome looking bucklings, and our dams are producing a ton of milk.
Our kidding will take a bit of a break with the last two does not due until the end of April. We're praying for winter to end soon and warmer weather to clear out the gloom and damp.
Okra, was overdue with her kids and upon exampination by the vet, it was determined we needed to to get the kids out. It was a rough kidding and at first Okra looked to be doing okay. But she slowly began to go downhill about 36 hours afterward. Despite our best efforts and the super-human efforts of our vet, Okra died eight days later from milk-fever and birthing complications. Her two orphan doelings (Fortuitous and Loki) are doing very well, for which we are very thankful.
On that same day, Samanth's six week old doeling also died. When "Anna" was born her mother rejected her, so we had nursed her along and convinced her mom to take her back. We believe that there was something "wrong" with little Anna from birth and it eventually caught up to her.
Two days later one of Abby's calves started coughing. Another visit from the vet, but again, all of our efforts were in vain and Frank Flank died of pnuemonia.
And while I admit to being a little more than frustrated after losing Frank, in reality we've had a good kidding season: Lots of healthy doelings, some really awesome looking bucklings, and our dams are producing a ton of milk.
Our kidding will take a bit of a break with the last two does not due until the end of April. We're praying for winter to end soon and warmer weather to clear out the gloom and damp.
Wednesday, March 13, 2013
Fun Days
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| Nathalie made us breakfast: Cinnamon Roll Casserole |
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| Mrs. Hauta feeds Bob A. Que |
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| Bobby and Rachel feed Frank Flank Steak |
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| Thanks ot the AMAZING Dr. Kneser these two doelings came out alive! |
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
In ONE day
Yesterday was a busy day.
We started with 4-H kids coming over to spend some time working on their goat lease projects:
We started with 4-H kids coming over to spend some time working on their goat lease projects:
Next we participated in the Lebanon 4-H Public Speaking constest. Sixteen kids from age 7 up to 18 presented speeches or demonstrations before a panel of judges.
We arrived home just in time for Abby to help Samantha's goat deliver twins, a buck and a doe (Smith Hill's William and Anna).
Just two more goats left to kid THIS week!
Monday, February 18, 2013
The First New Baby Goat!
Abby's Tails Trinaest
Single Doe
DOB 2/17/2013
Dam: Abby's Tails Paski Sir
Sire: Abby's Tails Larry Boy
FOR SALE: $300
Price includes: ADGA Registration, tattoos, vaccination, dehorning, and worming
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| Irene (the cat) will tolerate Trinaest as long as she gets the heat lamp! |
Saturday, March 24, 2012
Lots of Babies!
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| Dr. Jekyll (wethered) DOB 2/27/12 |
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| Jessie DOB 3/10/12 |
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| Jessie |
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| Dr. Doom FOR SALE DOB 3/20/12 |
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| Dr. Doom |
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| She-Hulk and Jessie |
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| She-Hulk and Jessie |
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| She-Hulk DOB 2/21/12 (Currently weighs 26 pounds!) |
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| She-Hulk |
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