Firewives

Sam and I just spent a weekend participating in an online conference for couples in the fire service. The purpose of this conference is to strengthen marriages in a demographic that has historically high rates of separation, divorce, addictions, and suicide.

It was encouraging for me, to speak with women from around the country who know the lingo. Who can commiserate about the stressors that surround our husbands and our marriages. Who don't judge when we admit that day after shift is hard. Sam also was able to connect with guys as they got honest about PTSD and how it has impacted their marriages. These men were open about their addictions and recoveries and encouraged each other to make getting their marriages back on track a priority.

We spent time asking some really tough questions. We practiced active listening skills while hearing some really hard answers. I'll be the first to admit that our marriage is not all unicorns and rainbows. We have fallen into some really deep pitfalls along our journey. The last three years have been filled with a million challenges, changes, and adjustments. Some we weathered well, others we struggled and required outside help.

This group reassured us that asking for help isn't a bad thing and showed us that we are not alone. Firefighter marriages across the country are under siege, but now we have new resources to access and some new skills to practice. Best of all we have a new "tribe" that welcomed us into their place of camaraderie and support.

If you are in need of firefighter marriage resources check out https://firefighterwife.com/

We had a date night at an outdoor restaurant.

ZOOM meeting with 65+ firefighter families across the country was amazing!

For the first time ever in 28 years of being together, I put on Sam's gear and I have a new appreciation for what he does.

Part of the event included cooking our own dinner together with everyone else via  ZOOM.
Creamy Chicken with Mashed potatoes and Bacon wrapped asparagus.

Hard Times

I'm not going to lie. The last few weeks have been really hard. Covid has changed so much for everyone I know. Sam's job as a first responder in what is now the second hardest hit city in the state, has certainly shaken up our world. 

Three weeks ago Sam moved into a dorm provided by a local university. They had set up rooms for first responders and health care workers who had concerns about going home after their shifts. At the same time a camper was parked on our property for me to live in so that the girls could go back to work in their "essential employee" positions. 

Three weeks of no physical contact with another human being makes you realize that perhaps you aren't the isolationist you thought you were! 

This separation has changed my relationship with Sam. Talking via video feeds and the occasional face to face visit (maintaining at least 6 feet of separation) has bettered our conversational skills. We've always been good at managing and coordinating family life with distancing; it's just part of being a firefighter family. Now though, it's Sam who is managing the house, and I am the one giving input from the outside. I have had to give up a LOT of control and those that know me, know that is no small feat! 

We are currently attempting to construct what the next steps will look like. We need to find the balance between safety and quality of life. The measures we have taken certainly mitigate the immediate threat, but do not set us up for a long term solution to, what appears to be, a long term problem. This virus that is unprecedented and has a lot of variables, is one that necessitates creativity. I am grateful that our current solution has awarded us the time we need to think things through and make a calculated plan. 

Time is certainly something I have a lot of these days. A blessing and a curse. One thing I have developed over the last three weeks is the habit of taking a breath. When a problem comes up, I am teaching myself to breathe and let the situation sit before responding. It is a very new way of approaching things for me. The downside is I have time OVERthink! I am teaching myself to mentally set thoughts aside and then focus on all the things I can control. Practice makes perfect and I'm getting a ton of practice these days!

Good things come out of times of struggle. Taking the time to recognize them and remember them will help us get through this. That and a mug of whipped coffee!