Firewives

Sam and I just spent a weekend participating in an online conference for couples in the fire service. The purpose of this conference is to strengthen marriages in a demographic that has historically high rates of separation, divorce, addictions, and suicide.

It was encouraging for me, to speak with women from around the country who know the lingo. Who can commiserate about the stressors that surround our husbands and our marriages. Who don't judge when we admit that day after shift is hard. Sam also was able to connect with guys as they got honest about PTSD and how it has impacted their marriages. These men were open about their addictions and recoveries and encouraged each other to make getting their marriages back on track a priority.

We spent time asking some really tough questions. We practiced active listening skills while hearing some really hard answers. I'll be the first to admit that our marriage is not all unicorns and rainbows. We have fallen into some really deep pitfalls along our journey. The last three years have been filled with a million challenges, changes, and adjustments. Some we weathered well, others we struggled and required outside help.

This group reassured us that asking for help isn't a bad thing and showed us that we are not alone. Firefighter marriages across the country are under siege, but now we have new resources to access and some new skills to practice. Best of all we have a new "tribe" that welcomed us into their place of camaraderie and support.

If you are in need of firefighter marriage resources check out https://firefighterwife.com/

We had a date night at an outdoor restaurant.

ZOOM meeting with 65+ firefighter families across the country was amazing!

For the first time ever in 28 years of being together, I put on Sam's gear and I have a new appreciation for what he does.

Part of the event included cooking our own dinner together with everyone else via  ZOOM.
Creamy Chicken with Mashed potatoes and Bacon wrapped asparagus.

Only One Way

Last weekend I attended a Ladies conference with Nathalie and Abby. We had a great time together, eating, laughing, and worshipping. Nathalie may never live down the “there’s only one way” moment, as we were staring down not one, but THREE options! 🤣

I was attending the conference with the prayer in my heart that while we had decided to keep going with fostering for another six months, I still was feeling unsettled. Divided. I still had moments, hours, and sometimes days, where I questioned our decision and wondered what if we just stopped and embraced an empty nest? I was praying that God, through the speakers and the times in prayer, would show me so clearly which way to go.

The first day was wonderful. Fantastic speakers who spoke about God’s sovereignty. His care and patience through our struggles and trials. How He has a plan and even in, especially in, adversity He is teaching us. In a conversation with one of the speakers during some downtime, I shared how Sam and I were going back and forth about our future plans. Each of the two paths had pros and cons, both would bring regrets and rewards, and were going to each have their own trials. She commented that because we were so committed to hearing from God, we couldn’t choose wrongly. No matter which path we picked, God is in control and we are in His will. I chewed on that thought for a long while.

So the next day was more sessions, worship, prayer, and fun with my girls. There were several vendors at the conference and I was drawn to two signs:

One seemed to represent our “empty nest” choice while the other was embracing our fostering choice. The next person who presented spoke on “Identity” and since it was a Christian conference, it was about our identity in Christ. I swear the voice in my head nearly shouted, “WAIT! Hold up a minute! The choice isn’t the point. Who I am is the point!”

Then The next person spoke on “Soaring”. She spoke about Eagles versus Seagulls. The analogies were spot on and, oh how I love a good analogy!😁 And then I heard the word that changed everything:
                          B A L A N C E
Sam and I CAN do both. It’s not a decision between two choices. It’s finding balance in each of them.  So I bought both signs. One hangs over the big map in my living room, and the other will be on the front door as soon as we get the right hanger.

I shared with Sam that night the notes I had written during the conference and WOW! It was really cool to see how God had been working through each of the speakers and presenters. Sam agreed that we had been out of balance. Going gung ho, whole hog, into foster care had left us longing for significant alone time with each other. Which, in turn, had caused us to feel pinched by the amount of time raising hurting kids took away.

So we’ve taken steps to find our balance. We have requested “respite care” services for the kids which will allow us to go away for more than 24 hours. We are putting more of the transportation and appointment requirements back on DCF so that we are doing less running around. We are now asking each other, when faced with a decision, “Does this keep balance or throw us off kilter? Are we soaring or flapping madly?” (Eagles? or Seagulls?)

Of course, not three hours from making those decisions, we had some crazy events that I can’t publicly share. But suffice it to say, I think the devil took our decisions as a personal challenge. 🤦‍♀️ But that’s a story for another day...

Homeschool Conference

This weekend I attended The Education Association of Christian Homeschoolers conference. I hadn't been to a homeschool conference in about five years, and back then I went as a vendor. I rarely was able to sit in on any of the workshops as Sam and I were running a booth in the exhibit hall.

This weekend I ended up mostly hearing Rachael Carman speak. She and her husband own the Apologia curriculum company, which is the science curriculum we use and love. It was wonderful! A lot of what I heard reaffirmed what we have been hearing from our Pastor's sermons. It also reaffirmed for me that we are heading in the right direction with our family, we just need to do some tweaking.

The first workshop was Soaring beyond Survival. God's intention for us is to not merely "survive" but to "soar". To do that we must set our focus, set our priorities, and have a vision for where God wants us and our children.

Next was "How to Die to Self and Live to Tell About It". The one thought that really struck home for me was that I need to raise my kids to desire to please God more than they desire to please me. Their loyalty to God must be even greater than their loyalty to me. Again, I heard, "check your priorities".

"Teaching Your Kids to BLESS and not to CURSE Each Other" showed me that how my children speak to each other is a strong indication of what it going on in their heart.

Saturday I sat in on "Mother-More than the Heart of the Home". Rachael Carman made a statement at the beginning that has echoed and resounded in me ever since: "Do whatever He tells you to do." I have to stop saying "yeah, but..." to God. Am I training my children so they are prepared to obey God, once they are out from under our roof? Again I heard, have a vision, check my focus, check my priorities.

I sat in on one workshop with Davis Carman (husband to Rachael) where he gave some statistics about homeschooling and homeschoolers that were staggering. He then equated building homeschool families with building castles. Guess what his conclusion was... yup, get a vision and set eternal priorities.

The last workshop was on teaching truth to our kids. She gave six Truths of Truth and exhorted us to train up world-changers who know the truth and can defend it well.

And so Monday starts our first day of homeschool, but what I have learned this weekend has already taken hold and been applied. Samantha came home from her last day of public school with the results of the Presidential fitness test. She was upset because she felt she didn't do well. Instead of focusing on the parts of the test that she did do well on (which is what I would have done before this weekend), we focused on what is even more important: she knows John 3:16 by heart, she knows that God loves her, she knows that she loves God. I Changed my focus. I changed my priorities. I have a vision of what is eternally important. God gives us just what we need, just when we need it.

The Parent/Teacher Conferences

In the disaster that was this past week, we had several events happen upon which I should elaborate. For today, I will cover Rachel and Samantha's Parent/Teacher conferences.

Rachel's was first. I met with Mrs. Orlando for a few minutes while we waited for the special education entourage to make their way down to the multiage wing. She told me what a delight Rachel is in the classroom and how she always wants to help. Mrs. Orlando described how last Thursday she had announced to the class that she would be absent on the next day and discussed appropriate class behavior. A little while into the day, Rachel approached her and asked, "When you're absent, which kids should I keep an eye on for you?" I'd say she's feeling comfortable in the classroom!

Once the special education teachers arrived we sat down to discuss Rachel's progress. All are in agreement that there has been some really great gains in many areas. She still has things to improve and work on and some areas are slow in coming along, but there are signs of progress, even in those areas. Her speech and language has improved by leaps and her math has finally seemed to really click. Her reading and spelling are making good gains, while her gross and fine motor are still not quite there. All the teachers were quick to tell me how sweet Rachel is, how she takes direction well, and is a hard worker.

Once Mrs. Orlando and I were alone again, we discussed third grade for Rachel. It turns out the upper multiage classrooms are run differently than the lower multiage. Rachel will the majority of her time with one of the teachers for her major subjects instead of switching teachers after several weeks. This means that Rachel and Samantha will be in the classroom together next year. Everyone agrees it shouldn't be a problem as Rachel and Samantha are as thick as thieves the majority of the time and when they aren't together, they still get along well.

Samantha's conference was next. I was ready to push for services and testing as I believe Samantha's struggles, while not as severe as Rachel's, exist because of some of the same issues as Rachel. Samantha's teacher explained that she had already had a meeting regarding Samantha and getting some interventions put into place for her. At that point Samantha's reading support teacher came into the room. She showed how Samantha can read, but she adds in or takes out extra words as she reads. The words she adds or subtracts do not change the meaning of the story but they are not the words on the page. (I call it editing!)

She has excellent comprehension and if we ignored the ommissions and additions, she would be reading on a much higher level. The reading teacher was very much supportive of my insistence that we not wait for the intervention process. It would take too long and we would be into late May before we could even try to get testing done (they won't test that late anyway, which puts us back at the beginning of the process again in September). She even made some suggestions to Samantha's teacher that she should send an email to the OT/PT teacher for an unofficial classroom observation of Samantha. The results of which could be used at the next meeting to advocate for additional testing. I announced that I wanted to be notified of that meeting and would be in attendance. The reading specialist advocated for the classroom teacher to put in the request for the meeting immediately so as to get a date in mid April rather than late May. I am hoping Samantha's teacher has done all those things. I will be sending an email on Monday morning to ask just that question. The meeting ended and I again thanked Samantha's teacher for her patience, telling her I understand how difficult Samantha can be.

I am so thankful that my girls have teachers who are diligent and supportive of them and our family. I am thankful for teachers who even after they have retired, are still advocating for and supporting us.