2021 Is Coming

 At the end of 2019 I chose the word Stand to be my word for 2020 with my final thought being "I want to be found standing in 2020". I thought it would be a year of resting; of getting our feet under us and preparing to move forward.

 I was oh so wrong. It was a year of constantly adjusting and readjusting to what seemed like constant challenges and ever changing situations. Covid came and closed our foster care license. Nathalie and Rachel moved back home. Samantha moved to Kansas. We were presented an opportunity to be house parents in Alabama. And then that was retracted. 

2020 had more curveballs than a world series, but I am still standing. I rolled with the punches and found allies who stood with me. True friends who wouldn't tell me what I wanted to hear, but spoke the truth with grace and love. I found again the grace God has for all of us and the balanced perspective that that grace gives. Too many years of being told that I had to do more to earn God's favor and love were replaced with the understanding that because of who I am (His child),  I am already favored by Him. He favors me because He knows me, not because I behave perfectly all the time. And because I gained this inner balance, I was able to stand strong when everything around me seemed unbalanced.

My word for 2021 is "BEHOLD". 

In the King James Version of the Bible, “behold” is used as the translation of the Hebrew word "hinneh" in the Old Testament and the Greek word "idou" in the New Testament. There is no word in English which conveys perfectly what these words communicate. They might be defined as “Pay careful attention to what is to follow; it is very important!” It is an imperative command to pay attention. To behold something is to focus your attention upon it. I want to remember in 2021 to be alert to how God is moving, directing , and leading me. 

Webster's dictionary defines behold as "to perceive through sight or apprehension" and "to gaze upon" or "observe". If I am going to perceive, I need to be observing. This means I need to focus and see the whole picture. I often get tunnel vision and concentrate only on reaching the goal, losing sight of the experiences at hand in the process. God in 2020 certainly slowed me down and I am learning to be in the moment more often. I can make better decisions when I behold the whole picture.

While mulling over this word, it occurred to me that the past tense is BEHELD. I'll take some artistic license with that word and change it to "Be Held". I want to be held by and to hold loved ones. Covid has limited physical interactions and I want to savor each one when they happen.

Being held means being secure. I want to know God's presence and to rest in the knowledge that He holds me in the palm of His hand. In 2021 I want to remember that I am forever held by God's grace and take courage in that knowledge, so I can step in faith whatever direction He leads. 

2021 is a blank slate; wide open with possibilities and challenges. I want to remember to behold the whole picture, pay attention to the scenery, and slow down enough to perceive God's opportunities. I also want to remember that I will always be held by the Creator of the Universe and I can face the future with confidence.

New Year 2020

Last year at this time I wrote:

“For 2019 I am choosing the word ADVENTURE. By definition adventure is "an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks." It also means "to proceed despite risk." I want 2019 to be the year that we keep going despite the risks that we can see, and the ones that will surprise us. We want to keep building on who we are, growing better, finding our new purpose, developing new skills and talents, and always seeking God's plan.”

2019 was a year of work. Working to become foster parents. Growing our marriage. Building our new house into our home. Striving to heal from past hurts. Crossing items off our bucket list. Taking chances with ourselves and with others. Clearly, we were busy.

And now we are weary. Work, growth, building, healing, and adventures all take effort. So, I believe our word for 2020 is STAND. Standing can be a defensive or offensive position: stand against something (defensive) or stand up for something (offensive). Stand can also be a cessation of movement or process; neither offensive or defensive, just being still.

Even Jesus grew weary and rested: at the well (John 4:6), in a boat during a storm (Mark 4:38), and on a mountain alone (Matthew 14:23). Jesus maintained his ministry, while still taking time for himself. If the savior of the world can take a rest and stand still, then so can I. Being busy doesn’t make me more spiritual. If I am resting and taking care of my body and mind, it does not mean I am selfish. 

I will stand upon what was built in 2019 and during 2020, I will stand up for myself and stand against what others say I should be doing. I will stand still when I need time alone. 

In 2020 I want to be found standing!

Resolutions

New year, so new resolutions.

Big broad ones:
Spend more time studying the Bible ( and applying it!)
Be better organized.
Take chances and go beyond my comfort zone with my sewing.
Get healthy.

Specific ones:
Walk at least 1 mile every day.
Memorize the book of James.
Go hiking with Sam once per month.
Participate in 3 no spend month challenges.
Simplify and declutter one room per month.
Plan and take 2 big trips this year.

For the specific ones I have added steps to support them. Either writing them in my daily planner (hiking and decluttering) or adding an app to my phone (memorizing James). The first big trip is the end of this month (Grand Canyon!!) and this month is also the first no spend month.

They say writing them down improves the likelihood that you will complete them. Whoever “they” are....

Word

I've never picked a "word for the year". It seems to be the thing to do these days. So I've thought it over and decided the word for 2018 is JOURNEY.

I know. I'm supposed to choose a word for the upcoming year, and I will get to that.

2018 was a journey. It started out as a normal year (ha! like there is a such a thing). We were preparing for sugaring season. The 4H club was running smoothly under Abby's leadership. Various Smith kids had made plans for moving, marrying, or changing jobs/careers. Sam and I were distracted from our personal issues as we focused on his brother's terminal cancer diagnosis.

And then, BOOM! Stuff started happening.
Sugaring season was a struggle with fewer helpers and a good sap run.
Sam's brother passed away. 
The state came unannounced for a visit.
The decision to sell the house was made, it went on the market and sold faster than anyone ever expected.

Before we knew it, it was the end of August and we had been "homeless" for two months, when we finally moved into our new home and started to settle in to our new "normal".

2018 was a journey because journey by definition is "the instance of traveling from one place to another." Not only did we move from one physical location to another, but mentally and emotionally we have moved. Our identity has changed: we are no longer farmers, yak owners, maple syrup producers, or even child-raisers. We have new identities: empty-nesters, grandparents, and travelers.

Our relationship as husband and wife has been on a journey. Through lots of conversations with each other and others, we have grown as a couple. We have dealt with some very difficult situations with each other and our families, and have become better communicators and fogive-ers because of them.

I chose the word journey because journeys give the idea that there is a plan, a path. While we may not have always seen the path clearly, it was there. Looking back, I can see that God was moving, even way back in 2017, setting things in motion for what was in store for 2018. Things that were seemingly unrelated, were in fact intricately intertwined.

For 2019 I am choosing the word ADVENTURE. By definition adventure is "an undertaking usually involving danger and unknown risks." It also means "to proceed despite risk." I want 2019 to be the year that we keep going despite the risks that we can see, and the ones that will surprise us. We want to keep building on who we are, growing better, finding our new purpose, developing new skills and talents, and always seeking God's plan. 

A New Year

Ahhh, the NEW year. Full of promise. A blank slate. The universal "do-over".

For 2012, I really didn't make a serious resolution. It was more of a vague desire to draw closer to the Lord. Funny how God works those things out in ways we never would have imagined, or desired. I never would have conceived the journey of the past twelve months, and in my human-ness, I still think there could have been an easier way. But God is sovereign and He knows better than I do what would bring about results.

So for 2013, with so much new around here, (kids are in public school, Nathalie applying to college in South Carolina for the fall, my new sewing venture) my resolution is to be more efficient and effective as a wife, mom, and Christian. With new routines and schedules, I need to look at how our household operates and change what doesn't work, or is outdated. So I created this little checklist:

• Compile enough healthy, inexpensive and easy recipes that I have a 10 day dinner menu  and I have the grocery lists to match. Also include lists for school lunch items.

• Weed out the clutter and get rid of it by gifting, Freecycle, or Goodwill. Forget about waiting for a tag sale, the kids and Sam find the stash and start removing items. 

• Create a weekly schedule with time set aside for housework, sewing, library time, and Bible study.

• Get our budget nailed down and stick to it! 

• Establish a Will, change beneficiary on life insurance policies, etc. 

• Start exercising regularly. The goal is to be healthier and lose another 20 pounds this year. (I'm down eight pounds since Thanksgiving!)

• Go through the "hard copy" photos from 2012 and create a photo album. Go through the digital photos on my hard drive and cull. Back up the remaining photos. Finish the 2012 Christmas album on Snapfish.

• Create a monthly Game Night that will reflect Sam's ever-changing schedule. Create a monthly Date Night also. Create a monthly Family Day where we take a trip or do an activity as a family. 

Maybe I'll get it all done before January 2014. 

Reflections On Years Gone By

I have been cleaning. There is just too much "stuff" in this house! The girls have been great helpers and I am so grateful for their willingness to throw things away, give things away, and to really think about what is the purpose of "things".

This morning I couldn't sleep, so I began working on cleaning my office. I came across two boxes marked "Kid's Artwork". So I opened them and started sifting through. All these pieces of memories. Most are projects they did while in public school. Mother's Day/Father's Day letters written in first grader scrawl with backward "d's" and everything spelled phonetically. Pages proclaiming their love for a newborn sibling, for Meme and Pepe, and Mom and Dad. Not five minutes into it I had to go find a box of tissues.

In amongst the papers were progress reports and report cards. After the fourth or fifth one which mentioned that so-and-so child "works slowly," "needs to complete work on time," or "needed to focus on completing tasks", I began to feel such sadness. Each report stated that our girls were polite, courteous, and well-behaved, but they just couldn't finish their work. Yes, my kids worked slowly. They are meticulous and want to get it right. I realized that these teachers, while fully meaning well, increased my kids' anxiety about getting it right by pushing them to finish more quickly. This in turn caused them to work even more slowly. It has given me a huge encouragement that we did the right thing in homeschooling them.

The other thing I found was a poem I had written sometime during the year 2000 shortly after Rachel had been born:

Now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray my sanity to keep.

Please, O Lord, before I wake

this whole mess please do take.

Looking down from above

You know my family I do love.

But I pray, Lord, for some quiet

far, far from this noisy riot.

I need You Lord, through and through

without Your strength, I cannot do.

Without the love of the Son,

it simply, just can't be done.

And so I pray for this night

that you'll keep me in Your sight.

Please grant me this request:

that I could have a full night's rest.

That I not be woken

just because the night light's broken.

And please chase the bad dreams away

until the breaking light of day.

May the baby sleep all night

and let not the bedbugs bite.

Let me not in my sleep

be thinking of that laundry heap,

or all those other chores,

while my husband beside me snores.

Nor what's on the kitchen floor

and what's behind that bathroom door?

My nerves they are unraveled,

by muddy feet and where they have traveled.

My patience Lord, is all used up.

Please refill my empty cup.

With Your mercy and Your grace

all my frustrations please replace.

Yes, now I lay me down to sleep.

I pray my sanity to keep.

But as I look around I know,

I surely lost it long ago!

The New Year is here and the old papers and things are being put away as we look forward to all the things God has for us in 2012!

New Year

It's a new year! Time for new things.
And this year our new thing is HUGE!

After spending some time in prayer, Sam came to me a few weeks ago and broached the subject of missions. It has been on his heart and something he has been thinking about ever since September when the subject of camp came up at our church. (Youth from our church spend a week at a camp in South Carolina in the summer.) 

Funny thing was, I had been praying about it too! I was thinking that for a little more than the cost of sending the three teen girls to camp, our whole family could spend a week in the mission field. So, Sam and I prayed about it for another few weeks and on Sunday morning on our way to church we discussed it with the girls. They all were positive in their responses but Hannah was very excited.

Hannah who has been studying Africa in her schoolwork, said she really wanted to go to Africa, Angola specifically. Unfortunately there aren't many mission trips for families that go overseas and many of them are more expensive than we could manage. But we encouraged her that in just a few years she'll be old enough to go on a youth missions trip to Africa. In the meantime we found: http://harvestministry.org/4orphans-0001and she is excited about working towards helping out this missions program.

Sam and I spent this morning scouring the internet for missions trips that work with families. There aren't many! We found one organization that is willing to create a custom trip for us. We are hoping to go to the Appalachia area, New Orleans, or Wisconsin in the month of October.

So we are continuing to pray for God's leading.

More New Things

More new things for the new year. 2010 is shaping up to be a year of changes. And it's only the 11th!

A new schedule at my work starts up when we return from our vacation to North Carolina. I'll only be working one early morning, which means easier transitions from chores into schoolwork for the kids.

One of Sam's part-time jobs appears to be ending in late February. I must say we both are kind of glad to see it end. The last few months with it have been rather frustrating and if we make some adjustments in our budget the extra money isn't going to be too badly missed.

A new horse is arriving on January 23rd. He's another freebie, like Honey was. He's a gelding quarter horse and ten years old. He's very well mannered for a boy who hasn't been ridden or really even handled since May. He'll need some work done on his feet as they have been badly neglected, but he'll make a nice addition to our barn.

Rachel and Hannah will start taking riding lessons at a real stable in February. Their current instructor got a full time job and moved further away, so she no longer has the time to come and teach them. The barn they'll be riding at is only a few minutes from our house so it will be easy to get them there.

The last change is one we are still thinking about and is a big one. We have been considering bringing Rachel and Samantha home from public school in September to be homeschooled with their sisters. No, I don't think I can do a better job than the school, just a different kind of job. I have also seen what happens to good kids when exposed to the public school kids. Several of my 4-H'ers whom I have known for many, many years have become my "friend" on facebook. What I have seen being posted by them and among their friends is very disturbing. Sam and I both do not want our children exposed to that kind of behavior. While we haven't made a final decision about it, it is one we are carefully considering.

Change is good. It makes us think and be proactive in our lives. It causes us to stretch out of our "comfort zones" and lean on God and others to get us through the adjustments.